Names
by werelegend
Summary: Oneshot. Ron and Hermione in the car and Ron refuses to admit that they're lost, wanting to maintain his masculinity. Hermione tries to help him but being stubborn, Ron doesn't need help. A little bit sexual but kind of cool. READ AND REVIEW.


"We're lost, aren't we, honey?" Hermione asked, "It's obvious."

"We _are not _lost." replied Ron, trying to calm his rising irritation, "And I keep telling you to stop calling me 'honey', 'honey' is too girly."

"We are lost. I am absolutely positive that I have seen that sign at least twice again. Right. 'honey' is too feminine as opposed to what you call me. _Baby?_" she replied, rolling her eyes at his stubbornness.

"It fits. Baby fits. You're my baby and you are one hot baby. Honey is golden and yellow, and yellow is a girl color. We men like dark and masculine colors." he said while keeping his eyes rooted on the map.

"I'm sure Harry doesn't mind being called 'honey'." she muttered under her breath.

"What was that? I didn't hear you." he asked curiously.

"Oh nothing," _I'm sure Harry is okay with any name as long as he has sex with Ginny. _

Hermione stated, "Well, the word _baby _is defined as an infant or a toddler. You are not calling me an infant, are you, _**Ronald?**_ After all, you deserve that name more than me, since you act like a baby all the time."

"Babies are cute, it's a compliment. You're cute. Incredibly cute. And to add to that, you are one hot baby." he turned towards her, grinning cheekily and then turned back to the road. He turned the wheel left.

"Babies drool. They wake me up in the middle of the night. They throw back their food. Babies wear diapers. I don't. I don't do anything like a baby." she retorted, not appreciating his dirty mind.

"Well, you do wear something similar to a diaper. Y'know that white thing." he said softly but still loud enough for her to hear him, blushing as he said it.

"It's a pad, Ronald. A pad. _Not a diaper_." she checked her handphone. Great. No signal, "Besides, I don't like the nickname 'baby'. So what do I call you? Ronnie?"

"Don't you dare call me Ronnie. Or Ronniekins. Those names are off limits." he said, blushing hard with embarrassment.

"Fine. What about 'dear'? It's a unisex nickname, so it isn't too girly or too manly. We can't overdose you with testosterone, can we?" she suggested, hoping he would just decide on a nickname for himself.

"What's wrong with a very manly nickname? I am every bit man, and I don't hear you complaining about my manliness." He looked over at her and whispered it into her ear while keeping an eye on the road and an hand on the steering wheel.

"_Ronald_." she snapped, unable to believe he had just said that. But it was Ronald, so it was believable.

He grinned at her.

"If you say something like that again, I am going to give your penis a very embarrassing nickname that will leave nothing to the imagination." she threatened, trying to keep the humor out of her voice. She was winning this battle.

"You wouldn't dare." he glared at her.

She gave him the same grin he had given her just ten seconds ago. Ron - 0, Hermione - 1.

"Peace?" he asked, desperate to give his brothers no ammunition to tease him when they met together for Christmas.

She replied with a non-commital sound.

There was a moments silence as Ron tried to figure out his next move and Hermione savored her victory.

"How about 'teddy'? You're my teddy. You're my big, cuddly and very strong teddy." she suggested, breaking the silence.

"No." he grunted, "It's too childish and still girly. Boy's don't have teddies, they have race cars and toy guns."

"That's silly. I bet you had a teddy when you were young. A teddy is not for girls." she retorted. _He is so immature_.

"It's still no." he said, refusing to budge. Ron 1 - Hermione 1.

"Fine fine. You pick a name for yourself, Mr. I-need-a-manly-nickname. And while we're on the same topic, what is my nickname? I'm not agreeing to baby, babe, hottie, sexy, my girl, my lady, my queen, or hot mama. And don't you say that you weren't thinking on those names, because I know that you know that you were thinking about hot mama." she retorted.

Ron didn't want to admit that she was correct, he was not going to let her win this battle. Ron 1 - Hermione 2. "I don't know what to name myself, that is meant to be your job as my girlfriend."

"_My job?"_ she scoffed, "There are no duties when it comes to being a girlfriend."

"Yeah, there is. Like making me breakfast, rubbing my back when I'm sore and creating a nickname for me, Mione. See! That's my nickname for you. I've used it the entire time we were together. Mione. Mione. It's perfect. I've done my job as your boyfriend." he retorted, happy that he had found a nickname for her. Ron 2 - Hermione 2.

"Yeah...y-yeah, whatever." she replied pathetically. There was no decent comeback for her.

He chuckled, happy to have kept her quiet and speechless. Ron 3 - Hermione 2. _Oh whatever_, he thought, _I'll just give myself extra points. Ron 13 - Hermione 2._

"So what's my nickname for me, _Mione_?" he asked, just trying to get as much fun as he could from this.

"Could you just wait! I'm trying to think of a nickname that will describe your dirty-mind, your infuriating arrogance, your irritating stubbornness. And you rushing me like this, is not helping. Stop being so impatient. Just wait! God, why can't you just wait for a nickname." she snapped, angry that he had won the battle.

"Well, _I'm sorry_, Miss I-take-so-long-to-think. I didn't realize I was dealing with a highly impatient and stressed woman." he replied sarcastically, angry at the way she had snapped at him. He was also surprised at the sudden turn of events.

She screamed and then continued. "I can't focus when I know we're lost. We've been around the same place over and over again. We're lost, we have no idea where we are and you are so incredibly stubborn that you won't accept my help." She didn't exactly know why she was getting so angry, but she couldn't stop herself.

"We are not lost! We just took the wrong turn and I am just trying to find our way back. Stop nagging me, woman. I can find the way myself, I don't need your help and I definitely don't need you trying to undermine my ability to drive or find a place. I am capable of getting to your uncle's house. Stop thinking I am so inadequate to do anything. It's your bloody fault you can't focus because you're too busy thinking I can't do anything." he replied angrily, eyes ablaze with rage, his entire body tensed up, he pulled the car to the side and stopped it and swiveled to look at her.

He was shocked but still angry to see her looking at him with confusion mixed into her eyes.

"_What! Can't find a answer!_" he said angrily, demanding an answer.

"I can't focus or think when you're angry." Hermione started slowly, "Your hair just gets so red. And your eyes. Your eyes turned the darkest of blue. And your lips become so...hot and delicious looking." _Err..not the answer he was waiting for_. "And your muscles just tense up, you look so hot and sexy. I can't think when you're like that." And with that, she leaped into his body and kissed him full on the lips with enormous passion and lust and pushing the seat back down.

Ron responded with just as much lust and caressed her body through the shirt.

**15 minutes later.**

A knock was heard on the car's class door. "Um...excuse me? Are you fine, mister? You've been stuck on the road for quite some time? Are you lost?"

A balding, middle-aged man looked through the fogged up window.

He took a step back and shook his head while chuckling. He then walked back to the car trying to get rid of the image that was in his mind: clothes strewn everywhere across the car and two very naked people in the backseat. _Oh, the joy of being young_.

**45 minutes later**.

Ron sighed loudly as he cuddled Hermione close to his body, still not believing what just happened.

"God, I love you, Mione." he whispered while kissing her smooth neck.

She sighed lovingly back and caressed his slightly hairy, but muscular and rock-hard chest.

"I know the perfect name for you, but I can't use it in public since I'll be too embarrassed to call you that." she said, her entire body warming up with embarrassment.

He muttered an indecipherable phrase.

"I'm going to call you 'my stud'." she said, blushing more.

"Hmm....I like that. I'm your stud. A stud. It's very good. Very hot and manly for me." he smiled, kissing her, "Good job, babe."

She made an angry sound.

"Correction: Mione." and she replied with a passionate kiss.

"I know right?"

He made no noise since he was feeling her entire body and kissing her neck and her shoulders and stomach.

"Ron?" she asked, while laughing and moaning with pleasure.

He grunted, while continuing his exploration.

"Stud?" she repeated and she saw him look up at her, resting his chin on her stomach.

"We're still lost and I'm still going to call you 'honey'." she stated in a no-point-in-arguing manner.

This resulted in an angry outburst of "HERMIONE!"


End file.
